Truth of Lies

I’m feeling pensive.

As Nano Poblano draws to a close, I find myself looking back.  I used to write blogs and not post them. With Nano Poblano (or NaBloPoMo), I found myself ignoring my normal blog-filters and I wondered if there was one post which should have stayed in drafts. Sticks and Stones.

Over the last month, it was my most ‘silent’ post. Being the self-deprecating, panicking sort, I wondered if it was okay. I am alone in these thoughts? Did I offend people? Was I wrong to mention how I managed bullying at school? I don’t know.

This made me think about truth and lies and how sometimes they’re black and white and other times they’re grey.

In my post, the technique I used to survive bullying at school I related to an Aesop’s Fable. I went with the flow, I acted like I didn’t care, I played situations down. I acted like they didn’t happen.

I handle adult life in a similar way. I play the game. So long as I maintain my moral compass, I tend to be what people want me to be. It’s only when things I vehemently believe in are challenged and when that affects me, do I stand my ground. Everything else, I let go.

I play the game. A friend of mine says it’s not an honest game. I’m lying. By ignoring things that upset me, I’m pretending to be something I’m not.

She right, you know. It is dishonest in its own way.

But I’m me when it matters.

If you know me well, I’m me when I’m with you.

That’s the truth.


nanopoblano2015darkDay 28 of Nano Poblano!

[That’s Ra’s version of NaBloPoMo]

Two days left!!!!

 

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15 thoughts on “Truth of Lies

  1. I certainly don’t think you were wrong to post. Don’t know why I didn’t comment at the time. But I’m glad you posted it. I find myself dithering about what to post. Will people who follow me get it? Is it Too Catholic? Is it too hippy crusty? But then I think it’s my blog and this is me. I’m hippy, earthy, Catholic, cracked, sensitive, emotional and an overthinker It’s your blog. You be you on your blog. Hugs from one overthinker to another.

  2. I had a similar feeling when I read that post. My feeling is/was by going with the flow you don’t really address bullies at all. You simply avoid the confrontation usually in its entirety. I didn’t feel that was necessarily worthy of adding so I didn’t comment. I didn’t want to bash your means of coping. It is the means many choose until as you say… they are backed into a corner. I do think you were right to post it because it brought you here to this. It made you think about it, and it furthered a conversation that needed to be had either with friends or with yourself. I am nearly incapable of going with the flow… I cannot begin to express how much that cost me growing up. LOL I was honest… and I got my ass kicked a few times. sighs…. but I wouldn’t change a thing except that I would insert parents who supported me and who would have taught me how to stand up for myself. My mother did not believe in fighting so when altercations would come to me and I engaged instead of running… I not only got my ass kicked but I also got in trouble for attempting to stand up for myself in the first place. I taught my daughter better. She is also non confrontational, but when she chooses to stand up for herself which is more and more these days…she can. I always empowered her. I’ll end with this… going with the flow is fine if that is what works for you, truly works for you. But as your friend said if there are things that bother you and by going with the flow you internalize negativity. That is unhealthy, and it will catch up to you. I have had to learn healthy ways to stand up for myself, and I have had to learn when it matters and when it really doesn’t. Sometimes letting go is wonderful but you have to genuinely be able to do that. and sometimes… it is incredibly empowering to engage when it matters and when it’s for the right reasons. 🙂

    • Learning to handle and work with other people are really important skills. This is life, it is constant. You are right to say internalising negative thoughts and feelings can be unhealthy but equally, it’s important to deal with situations when calm and rational. It was easier at school in many ways, because senseless name-calling had no effect on me. I’d laugh or agree with them or thank them and walk away. Finding the right sense of ‘place’ in adult life is more complex with differences of opinions, different work ethics and respecting your employers and staff hierarchies. We’ll just have to tackle it day by day! 🙂
      Thank you for your thoughtful response.

  3. I am not sure I agree with your friend (the one who said you’re lying). I want relationships to become more important in my life than being right or standing for my principles. Of course, when you stand vehemently on something for 25 years, then have a complete change of heart and have to eat loads of crow, well, that makes it a whole helluva lot easier to not take stands unless they are VERY important. Our beliefs, philosophies, political positions – these can change over time, through education, awakenings, etc. Why be vehement about something that will likely change? As long as you stand on WHO you are as a person, that’s the only thing that matters – your highest self is unchangeable, and beautiful, amazing, and irreplaceable. Stand on that and only that – it is safe ground, rock, even. (P.S. I enjoyed your post Sticks and Stones very much and I’m glad you let it out of the blog bag.) Peace, C

    • Thanks so much for your positivity and thoughtful reply. Beliefs, philosophies, political positions can change over time. It’s actually a shame we view this as such a negative thing when change often comes from learning or understanding new perpectives. You are so right, the important thing is we are honest with ourselves. That is the key. Thank you. 🙂

  4. I’m sorry, I must have missed your post the first time through, and I can only suppose that it was due to the busy-ness of Thanksgiving that was approaching – I know I missed some days reading.

    I think your approach – well, it pretty much is the same as mine. I just call it “picking my battles.” Some battles really aren’t worth fighting and why waste time and energy engaging when it doesn’t really matter? I disagree with your friend, although I do understand what she means. I suspect to her those battles would be more important.

    Long ago I read a book that described such situations as “be a duck and let those things roll off your back, like the water flows off a duck’s back – some things just are not worth it.” You know when it is, just like you described, when it pertains to who you are, your personal values. Life really is too short to battle over things that don’t really matter all that much. We have to save our strength for things that do. 🙂

    I don’t think you’re playing a game, you’re just refusing to engage. In a way, that is also just the way you are, not-so-confrontational. And that’s perfectly fine, too. 🙂

    • My mum always called it playing the game. But it is also exactly as you say – picking my battles and sometimes that means refusing to engage. And yes, I understand my friend’s perspective too – some battles she would pick where I would not. Sometimes I think too, we are better off stepping back a little. When we *do* make a stand, it tends to be noticed.

      Thank you for your comment. I love people’s comments – they always give me so much clarity.

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