What Would Bach Say?

I find myself in limbo.

I’m trying to find a path that is comfortably weathered, yet different from the path I’m on. It appears though, that discomfort and thrashing through a bit of woodland is the recommended way to do this. If I could be guaranteed a better path I might be swayed to take the challenge, but I look at my familiar trail and feel that it’s better than an uncertain one. Even if it’s anxious and fairly muddy.

Also. This path is in my field of expertise.

Also. When I say ‘path’, I mean ‘job’.

Surely, if I’m not willing to take a different direction, then my situation can’t be that bad.

I don’t think I’ve ever taken a leap of faith – I’m a pro at looking before any sort of leaping and I manage to talk myself out of most things as I contemplate them. I like my comfort zone because the alternative is surely my discomfort zone which, as descriptions go, doesn’t sell itself well.

I don’t believe the grass is greener. It’s more like a different green and anyhow, who says brown is a negative? A lot can be said for brown grass and its browness.

I’m thinking too much. I’m thinking a lot a the moment. Not helped by the fact I’m sorting through old photographs which puts me in a malaise made of heart ache as I see those I have lost and how life has changed and how we’ve all aged.

What have I done with my life?

Not that I’m ambitious in a job orientated sense. I am, however, excelling in my main aspiration of love and stability. I’ve possibly peaked here.

Then I look at J.S. Bach and wonder again what I’ve done with my life. An orphan by age ten, he still managed to educate himself and be (arguably) one of the most successful composers of all time. He wrote his first work at an age when I worried about grades and acne.

In turn, I wonder if we’re not meant to live in the kind of world we’ve created for ourselves. That we ostensibly have so much time we achieve less. That social media makes us feel more sad than engaged. That the world is more accessible than ever and yet we feel even smaller within it. That photographs and all the enumerable objects we accumulate from our ancestors enable us to cling on more than let go.

Or is this just me?

I fear change yet life IS change and I need to reconcile that.

And if success in this world is to live kindly and be loved, then surely success in the afterlife is to be remembered fondly.

I think of again of Bach.  Johann Sebastian Bach.

His image is currently magnetised to my fridge.

I wonder what he’d say.

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Part 2: Mix Tape 1998

Part 1 is here.

Judge me at will.

 

Culture Beat – The World is in your hands

 

Woman – Neneh Cherry

 

Xfiles remix – I was obsessed with this show but my version doesn’t seem to exist on the internet – it had Mulder and Scully sound bites from the show.

 

Jesus Christ Superstar – Everything’s alright. I guess this was version was popular in Australia, owing to the Australian cast.

 

Moody Blues – Nights in White Satin .

All the feels.

 

Wendy Matthews – The Day You Went Away

 

Toni Childs – Many Rivers to Cross

 

Alanis Morresette – Hand in my pocket

 

Deep Blue Something – Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I haven’t seen this video clip before – I wonder if it caused traffic chaos?

 

Julian Lennon – Now You’re in Heaven.

 

Any comments? Seriously, I think I can take them.

What am I (not) doing?

NanoPoblano / NaBloPoMo ended an eon ago.

I predictably failed that, further guaranteed by a spider bite that went septic* and a head cold that had the audacity to FCB. I just made that acronym up. The CB stands for ‘come back’  the F stands for.  Um.

*ahem*

(Sorry, still suffering from lots of congestion)

‘Ferociously’.

In between times, I have managed to work, sleep and eat and do some Christmas shopping. On the latter point, I had the following conversation with my mum.

MUM: Santa looks lonely, do you think I should offer to sit on his lap?

I glanced over at the Shopping-Mall-Santa, by himself, except for his ‘elf’ randomly pressing buttons on a camera surrounded by a sea of props and an absent queue of parents and children.

ME: He’s a good-looking Santa.

MUM: Really?

*Weird pause*

ME: I don’t mean like, “Phwoah”!

*Mum laughs so hard she can’t breathe properly*

ME: I mean, he has a real beard and actually looks like he could be Santa.

 

In other news, I strung up fairy lights for Christmas and I’m thinking about making it permanent. Related: My house is in disarray, I’m drinking wine and eating left-overs.

I had a wonderful family-ish Christmas and however you and yours celebrated this time, I hope it was marvellous.

Whatever you do, make it merry.

See you in the new year.

 

*FYI: Right up until I posted, I had a spider bite that went ‘sceptic’. I didn’t realise we had so much in common.

Part 1: Mix Tape 1998

It’s 1998.

I unearthed my actual mixed tapes from this time. I can thank my cousin for the addition of the Led Zeppelin track.

I was going to say, “whatever else you find, don’t judge me” but I’m not going to apologise for a time in my life. This was me in 1998. It’s me with influences from my parents, friends and the ’90s and I don’t regret any of it. Mostly.

Much of this I still love. Much of this is me NOW.

Joe Cocker – Feeling alright

 

Shirley Bassey – History Repeating

 

Mountain –  Chocolate Starfish

 

US3 – Cataloop (Flip Fantasia)

 

Marc Cohn – Walking in Memphis

 

Travelling Wilburys – End of the Line

 

Donna Lewis – I love you always forever

 

LED Zeppelin – When the levy breaks

 

Massive Attack – Teardrop

 

U2 – Streets have no name

 

Michael Jackson – Stranger in Moscow

 

The Grid – Swamp Thing

 

I think I have enough tracks to fill another couple of posts.

The memories burn…

 

 

 

Moments of Melancholia

Marzi at Introvert Doodles posted a list of things that made her feel melancholy. She further clarified “I think of melancholy as an inexplicable sadness, sometimes tinged by a bittersweet nostalgia”

She asked “Are any of these relatable or am I just weird?”

For me, they’re relatable in that we all have a list – just not necessarily Marzi’s list.

So what’s on my list?

Watching life from afar. Marzi called this “being up high and watching people scurry below” but I think it’s the same thing. It’s when you’re up high in a building or when you’re on a plane and suddenly the world is made up of Matchbox cars and the traffic moves like a surreal clockwork.

Related to this, SonderSonder is the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. If I pondered this every time I passed someone in the street I might go mad, but when I do have time to take this in, the extraordinary wonder brings melancholy.  [Which, in turn, makes me wonder if ‘sonder’ is pronounced ‘sunder’]

Old photographs and photograph albums. I’m not good with change, and photographs prove life is change. For better or worse.

Music. Not all music, but it is difficult to be specific. Some music arcs you back to a different time, some music reminds you of who you were, some music reminds you of someone you loved. Marzi got specific and made a good choice.

 

Things that are broken.

Spring cleaning. This in itself can be invigorating, but sometimes it involves letting things go.

Like Marzi’s ‘geese flying in formation’ , similarly – a murmuration of starlings.

Cacoons. Melancholia in a place where I am safe from the world, particularly during wild weather despite being ever thankful for the roof over my head.

Sunrise and/or sunset can be wonderful. It can be thoughtful, it can bring melancholy.

 

So I ask, are these relatable or am I just weird?

What’s on your list?

 

Folding Sheets

Family habits are a funny thing.

Your family is, as your family is.  As a child you believe what you’re experiencing is normal and everyone has a family similar to yours. Depending upon your life and who you meet along the way will determine how quickly you discover normal doesn’t exist and that thing your family does isn’t necessarily a thing other families do.

I’ve spoken of some of these habits before. Some of these differences are minute. Tiny little differences you only observe once you start living with someone who grew up in a different family. Like, do you leave the pegs on the line, or off?

[A surprising number of these relate to washing.]

I inadvertently discovered that my family’s rules for washing jeans are not universal. We always dry them inside-out because it frees up the pockets and allows them to dry faster.

My husband’s family always pegs clothes by the ankle, my family always pegs socks by the toe.

As we were bringing in the washing today I was reminded of another ritual that never ceases to make me smile. I find it endlessly and ridiculously amusing which my husband finds similarly amusing because we’ve really been married long enough now that I really should be over it.

And when I tell you what it is, you’ll be underwhelmed.

Folding sheets.

As we fold the sheets, I’ll pull on my right hand corner and he’ll pull on his right-hand corner, diagonally stretching the fabic taught. You’ll then do the same from the left-hand corner.  He says it makes sense, it squares-up the sheet and be that as it may, it’s still funny.

What are your family’s quirks?

 

Blog Lag

I participated in Nano Poblano knowing I wouldn’t be able to complete the challenge. Already I’m a couple of days short of success and I’m only at Day 10. And that’s okay.

I could have pushed myself and posted something trivial each day, but I decided against that. Life is particularly hectic for me at the moment and I refuse to stress about it. What upsets me more is not having the time to read my fellow bloggers’ posts.

I’ll see if I can lift my game this weekend.

Happy blogging, my friends.

And goodnight.